Charles Darwin at a green chalkboard.

1999 Darwin Awards

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? Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool--by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Rob Your Neighbor
1999 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(25 April 1999, Craigie Australia) Darren John Cowley was trying to break into a neighbor's house as safely and unobtrusively as possible when he wrapped his jacket around his arm and bashed in the window. But the jagged shards tore through the protective cloth and severed an artery in his arm. The 32-year-old stumbled away from the house and through a park and collapsed 800 meters away from the crime scene.

The home owner returned from a nightclub early that morning to find a broken window, a bloody jacket, and a trail of blood. He searched the jacket and found that it belonged to an acquaintance who he recalled seeing at a tavern on Friday. He telephoned a friend and they drove to the perpetrator's house to give him a stern reprimand.

When they arrived, they spotted him sleeping in the park nearby. As they approached him, they recognized with alarm noted a trail of blood and his nearly-severed arm, and realized that it was too late to lecture him. He had bled to death.

Next time try wrapping your arm in a Kevlar bullet-proof vest, Darren!

DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2022
Submitted by Drew Sheppard, James Delides
Reference: Nick Taylor, West Australia Sunday Times

 

 

Correction:
As two Russian policeman found out, according to "News of the Weird", Kevlar does not stop sharp objects. One policeman fatally stabbed another while trying out his new bulletproof vest. Note that hese vests are not called "knifeproof vests". Your reference to Kevlar as though it could stop this burglar from bleeding to death, is incorrect. Glass would have cut through the kevlar like buter.
John Linsley

Elaboration:
It is true that a kevlar vest will not stop a stabbing with a sharp knife by a strong man.The point of the knife concentrates all its force on one or two threads, and once a small cut is made in the fabric, the other threads slide out of the way and open a large enough hole for the knife to slip through. But this does not mean kevlar offers no protection from sharp objects in general. It offers considerable protection from slashing, comparable to chain mail). A man can stab just as easily through a car door and a number of other things you might not expect. Daggers were often used to finish downed knights quickly, since longer stabbing weapons tend to skid along the smooth plate armor. However, even leaning on large shards of glass is unlikely to cause penetration through kevlar. Hell, a leather jacket could probably have saved this guy. -Darrell Johnson

 

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